


Beacon of Hope

by hemingwaysgirl



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Cancer, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Medical Conditions, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, My First AO3 Post, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Past Drug Addiction, Pepper Potts Feels, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Tony Stark, Sick Character, Sick Tony Stark, Sickfic, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, To Be Continued, Tony Being Tony, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Whump, Work In Progress, Worried Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-01-31 18:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12687855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemingwaysgirl/pseuds/hemingwaysgirl
Summary: A familiar figure sat cross-legged on a cushioned window sill across from the door, gesturing excitedly as he spoke to the children circling him. He wore black jeans and a matching long-sleeved scrub top, and his sneakers sat neatly beside him. A gold and red striped beanie and Hello-Kitty themed sunglasses completed his attire. If Steve hadn’t been familiar with Tony’s unique mannerisms, he wouldn’t have recognized him. The only thing out of place was the IV pole tethered to his arm, its long tubes having found a home within his veins.(I have edited and improved the chapters a bit, particularly 1 & 4.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the Marvel characters, just the storyline and the OCs. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/12/18 - I changed several descriptions, and I reworded a few sentences so if you have previously read this chapter, you should consider rereading it.

Steve Rogers hated hospitals.

 

While many patients undoubtedly viewed medical facilities as a beacon of hope, Steve only saw a cold, hard silhouette of a building that enveloped the innocent in false security, unable to provide adequate care. He knew that medicine had advanced significantly while his body had lain dormant under the ice, but it was hard to forget his past experiences.

 

The almost tangible presence of suffering and sickness brought back memories of his own bout with illnesses as a child and the sound of soldiers moaning in pain. Though the feelings of dread and panic threatened to take over, he maintained his Captain America façade as he walked swiftly toward the children’s oncology ward.

 

Though seeing so many young ones suffering broke his heart, their bravery inspired him and others, and their innocent eyes emanated a strength that came from within - a force more powerful than his super abilities. His destination loomed closer and closer, and as he approached the narrow hallway that led to the common area, he glanced at the wall and immediately spotted a drawing that made him stop and grin involuntary.

 

Instead of drawing the full metal suit, the kid had sketched Iron Man without his helmet, revealing Tony Stark’s face - presenting his wide, chestnut brown eyes and matching goatee with child-like precision. The drawing even included Tony’s trademark smirk that simultaneously resembled a smile. The chest-piece gleamed a dark blue, rather than its traditional white, while the suit maintained its customary yellow and red against the paper’s white backdrop. His right fist pointed skyward while the other rested against his hip, and Steve was instantly reminded of the classic Superman in flight pose.

 

This little artist clearly admired not only Iron Man, but also the man behind the mask. He seemed to understand that Iron Man would be nothing more than a suit without Tony. Underneath the crude drawing in messy scrawl, he had written: _When I grow up, I want to be like Mr. Tony, because he is brave and he is smart and he helps people. He is also nice and cool and flies really fast. I like him a lot.  
_

 

Steve’s hand ghosted over the drawing once before he continued on his journey. Finally, he reached a pair of glass doors and stood observing for a bit.

 

A familiar figure sat cross-legged on a cushioned window sill across from the door, gesturing excitedly as he spoke to the children circling him. He wore black jeans and a matching long-sleeved scrub top, and his sneakers sat neatly beside him. A gold and red striped beanie and Hello-Kitty themed sunglasses completed his attire. If Steve hadn’t been familiar with Tony’s unique mannerisms, he wouldn’t have recognized him. The only thing out of place was the IV pole tethered to his arm, its long tubes having found a home within his veins.

 

Cold dread settled into the pit of Steve’s stomach as he opened the door and stepped closer. Sensing his presence, Tony raised his head slightly, revealing pale and haggard features. He gaped slightly, before carefully schooling his expression and feigning indifference. 

 

“Cap! What a surprise!” he managed brightly, his voice slightly hoarse. “We were just talking about that time you knocked out Hitler.” He smirked and winked mischievously.

 

“Tony, you know that wasn’t actually Hitler; it was someone dressed up as him,” Steve argued reflexively, barely hearing his own voice through the roaring in his ears.

 

“Semantics. Point is, Hitler was defeated and Captain America was a big part of that,” Tony retorted, smiling softly before turning back to his audience.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold fear settled in Steve's stomach, weakening his legs so badly that he wavered on his feet. He slumped against the wall, heaving in great, gulps of air around the tightness in his throat. The room was so cold. He couldn't feel his hands - every extremity tingled with an uncomfortable numbness. He vaguely heard someone calling his name, but all he could hear was Bucky screaming, Peggy crying, and his own heart thudding as he slid down the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of the Marvel characters, just the storyline and the OCs. :)
> 
> 3/13/2018 - This chapter has undergone some major editing. I added a few details that are important to the upcoming chapters in the story. Hope you enjoy the changes!  
> 4/7/2018 - I reworded the conversation between Tony and his doctor, as well as Steve's thoughts at the end. I didn't change anything too significant; I just tried to make it flow more smoothly.  
> 4/23/2018 - I added essential information regarding Tony's diagnosis, and its effect on his heart. (The info was added to the conversation between Tony and his doctor.)  
> Thank you to those who have read the story and left kudos! Your support means the world to me. :)

* * *

Exhaustion visibly swept over Tony - its presence apparent in the sudden cracks overtaking the normally confident and smooth baritone of his voice. Steve took that as his cue to share his own stories as an Avenger - the G-rated versions of course. While he was finishing up a story about Tony replacing the sharp end of Clint’s arrows with little hearts (without dampening their effectiveness on the field) as a Valentine’s Day prank, a harried nurse shuffled in, effectively cutting off the children’s hysterical laughter. She appeared a bit breathless, and her porcelain skin had a flushed hue. Her short raven locks spilled across the left side of her face, and she impatiently tucked the unruly strands behind her ear with a shaky hand.

 

“Sorry to interrupt, Captain, but I need to escort Mr. Stark back to his room,” she said, the barely concealed anxiety in her eyes belying her stern voice. “He was supposed to return an hour ago.” She glared half-heartedly at Tony’s innocent expression. “Don’t look at me like that, Mr. Stark. You need fluids; your blood markers show signs of dehydration.”

 

“Fine, fine… I’m coming,” Tony grumbled, stumbling to his feet.

 

“Oh, and perhaps Captain Rogers would like to accompany you - he seems to be good with children of any age.”

 

Tony snorted, immediately squeezing his eyes shut as soon as the undignified sound escaped his mouth. Steve hooked an arm under his elbow, supporting his wavering form.

 

“Tony?” he asked softly.

 

“I’m good, Cap. Just a bit dizzy,” he assured, swallowing a moan, “Stood up too fast is all.” He leaned heavily against his IV pole, visibly trying to compose himself.

 

Tony missed the dubious look Steve shot his way, having opened his eyes a few seconds too late. He rolled his eyes at the obvious concern mixed with empathy in the tight lines of the Captain’s face.

 

"Reign in the compassion a bit Cap. I'm not a fragile damsel in need of rescuing," Tony quipped.

 

"Could've fooled me," Steve mumbled under his breath.

 

"What was that, Stevie?" 

 

"I said, 'I would never imply such a thing.'"

 

"Damn straight."

 

The nurse suddenly reappeared with a wheelchair in tow. Having not seen her leave, Steve startled a bit. She glared at Tony, her intense green eyes never leaving his as her hard expression dared him to even think about challenging her in a verbal sparring match. A slim trembling hand tapped the chair's handle in a pointedly rhythmic fashion. Sighing in resignation, Tony flopped dramatically into the leather seat. 

 

"Oh, don't pout. No one would expect Iron Man to be riding in a wheelchair. I'm just helping you maintain your anonymity," she snarked. Steve's brow furrowed in confusion as he studied her; her hand still shook, but the apparent nervousness never leaked into her voice. He admired her ability to hide her inner feelings so well.

 

Fumbling slightly, the sassy nurse pulled a surgical mask from her pocket and tossed it to Tony who caught it gracefully. He fiddled with the string, but he made no move to put it on. Her eyes softened at his reluctance.

 

"I know you hate it, but you can't keep the sunglasses on. You just look ridiculous. Besides, you can take it off as soon as we get to your room." Steve watched in amazement as her hands steadied, professional determination replacing her previous anxiety. She looped the string behind his ears and settled the mask carefully across his mouth and nose. Tony tensed, and she squeezed his shoulder. "I know it's uncomfortable, but it will hide your identity better."

 

Trying to distract him, she smiled mischievously and made a show of perusing his chart that she seemingly conjured out of nowhere. "Isn't that what you wanted, Mr.  _Ben Dover_?"

 

Steve choked back a startled laugh, trying and failing to look somewhat reprimanding.

 

"Really, Tony? You couldn't come up with something more original? That's just sad."

 

The nurse rolled her eyes but didn't bother to hide the smile playing at her lips. She steered Tony toward the elevators, and Steve automatically fell in step beside them.

 

"What can I say? Sometimes the classics are more fun," Tony mumbled, raising an eyebrow at Steve's amused expression. "Besides, you seem to appreciate my outdated humor."

 

"I'll admit it has its charm - when it’s not directed at me."

 

The nurse huffed in fond exasperation as the elevators came into view. “I was wrong. Y'all are both children."

 

Once the three of them were comfortably inside,  _Rita_ \- Steve’s mind automatically supplied after glancing at the nurse’s name tag - pressed the button for the building’s highest floor. Steve couldn’t read the faded number, but he imagined it led to a private suite of sorts.

 

Tony smirked and winked at Steve, but as soon as Rita guided them out of the elevator and into his private room, the expression shattered into apprehension. A man in a white coat with shoulder length silver hair sat on the bed, facing the entryway. His expression held a certain sadness and frustration that Steve recognized from his days spent lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life.

 

With shaking fingers, Tony ripped the mask from his face and tossed it to the floor. Rita parked him across from the doctor, enabling them to easily maintain eye contact.

 

"What's up, Doc?" Tony questioned lightly, his carefree voice belaying the fear sparkling in his eyes. 

 

"Rita tells me you've been entertaining the kids again," the man said, his mouth curving into a small, compassionate grin. "Get them all hyped up on your tales of grandeur again?" 

 

"You know it, Doc. Now quit stalling."

 

The old man sighed, sifting through a few folders neatly piled atop Tony's ruffled sheets. "The treatment is working fine, but we need to dial it back a bit. The wall of your heart has become inflamed, which wasn’t entirely unexpected. But I'm afraid the current regimen along with the inflammation will probably put too much strain on your heart. If we continue on this course, we may cause irreparable damage." He paused, running his thumb along his creased brow. "Tony, at this rate, a heart attack could prove fatal. Now we can start by lowering the current dosage of the c..."

 

 _He was going to lose Tony_. Panic slammed into Steve's chest, weakening his legs so badly that he wavered on his feet. He slumped against the wall, heaving in great, gulps of air around the tightness in his throat. The room was so cold. He couldn't feel his hands - every extremity tingled with an uncomfortable numbness. He vaguely heard someone calling his name, but all he could hear was Bucky screaming, Peggy crying, and his own heart thudding as he slid down the wall. _No. No. No._ _This couldn't be happening. Not again._

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony comforts Steve. Steve finds out the truth. However, it may not be what he initially expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of the Marvel characters, just the storyline and the OCs. :)

Steve could sense the presence of someone who didn't quite belong in the events playing out before his mind’s eye. Steve heard Peggy promising to teach him how to dance as the ice rushed up to meet him. He saw Bucky fall as he was powerless to stop his best friend's deadly descent. But he also was aware of three soothing sensations that didn't fit into either scenario. He clung to them, desperate to feel anything other than the misery threatening to drown him.

 

 _Touch_. Chapped lips brushed against Steve's ear, and a calloused hand gently cradled the back of his head, pulling him back to a hazy sense of awareness.

 

 _Sound._ Tony's voice penetrated the roaring in his ears, its soothing familiarity bringing him completely back to the present.

 

 _Sight_. The bland beige walls of the hospital room slowly blurred into focus, increasing his confusion as the sight collided with the brutal memories of the past. Panic threatened to seize him, until his eyes met worried, brown orbs. _Tony._ The familiar feeling of safety swept the remaining thoughts to the deepest recesses of his mind. 

 

"You back with us Steve?" Tony asked, his voice uncharacteristically soft. Steve burned with embarrassment as he took in their intimate position. He was pressed against Tony's side, his mouth buried in the juncture between Tony's shoulder and neck. Tony's head was turned at an awkward angle so he could maintain eye contact. Steve hid his face to avoid the penetrating gaze. "You okay?" he continued, his fingers combing through the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck.

 

Steve ignored his question. "I feel like the roles are reversed here," he grumbled, his words sharp with self-contempt. "I should be the one comforting you."

 

"Well, who says I'm not getting anything out of this? I may end up hiring you to be my personal teddy bear." Steve smiled despite himself. Tony chuckled wetly, his eyes sparkling with relief. "There he is. You left us for a bit there. You okay now?"

 

Steve sighed. "Yeah, I think so. I just... I'm not sure what happened. Sorry." 

 

"I've had my share of anxiety attacks, Steve. Nothing to apologize for."

 

Steve shakily stood, offering a hand to Tony once he was sure his feet would support him. The doctor immediately jumped up to support Tony's other side. Rita, who had gone eerily still behind Tony's wheelchair, also snapped into action, supporting Steve as he wavered under the billionaire's weight. She planted her feet, steadying him with surprising ease. Her other hand, seemingly of its own accord, grasped his hand comfortingly, her thumb pressing against his pulse point. She frowned at the rapid beat that thrummed underneath the pale skin. Tony's sharp gaze caught the action, and he raised his brow in question. She shook her head.

 

"Steve, why don't you sit in the wheelchair a minute? I don't think you should be on your feet just yet." Steve opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "No arguments. You were basically catatonic for several minutes, and your pulse is very high."

 

"Tony needs the bed anyway, so we can monitor him and give him fluids," the doctor chimed in, disappearing into the bathroom as he spoke and returning a few seconds later with a cup of water. "Here. Drink, Mr. Rogers. You'll feel better soon."

 

Steve merely stared at the drink as if he had just been offered poison. "Thank you," he began, pausing as he scanned the elderly gentlemen's hospital ID, "Dr. Urbane, but I'm alright now."

 

"Steve, it will help. Take it," the doctor insisted, watching Steve uncurl his clenched fists with a practiced eye. "It's just water, Steve. That's all."

 

He grasped the glass with a trembling hand, sloshing a good portion of the liquid over the side. He sipped it cautiously, sighing as the water soothed his parched throat. He looked up and saw Tony studying him from his perch on the bed, his eyes sharp and sad. The nurse hung up a saline drip, slipping it into place via an IV port on Tony's arm. Steve looked away, the sight making him nauseous. His grip tightened on the glass, leaving a small crack along the rim. He barely felt the trickle of water spilling across his fingers.

 

"It's cancer, isn't it? That's what you're being treated for," he muttered hoarsely as the doctor bent to take the water from his grasp. Steve bowed his head, folding his hands together as if in prayer. He peered up at his friend through his lashes. Deep down, he knew the answer. He had plenty of evidence to form the correct conclusion. But he didn't want it to be true. Maybe he was wrong. He needed confirmation straight from the source. After a lengthy pause, Tony shook his head. "Steve, I know what it looks like, but it's not as bad as all that."

 

"With Tony's permission, I can explain everything," Dr. Urbane said, "but you need to calm down and understand something. Yes, Tony is taking a drug commonly used in the treatment of cancer, but..."

 

Steve straightened sharply. "You mean chemotherapy?" At the doctor's surprised nod, he explained. "My mom was a nurse, and she cared for a few cancer patients. So, a few weeks after I woke up, I did a little research. It was a relief to find out the disease isn't as deadly as it once was. Most people can achieve remission." He paused, a bittersweet smile gracing his lips. "It's good to see that some things have changed for the better." 

  
Dr. Urbane cleared his throat. "Well, some chemotherapy drugs can be used to treat other diseases." His steel-gray eyes swept over Tony's unusually open expression, finding the permission he sought as Tony nodded minutely. "For example, in Tony's case, chemotherapy helps manage an autoimmune disorder known as Lupus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the characters seem a little too OOC. In this particular story, Steve's still adjusting to his life in the 21st century. So, it's only been a few months since the Chitauri incident, and none of the Avengers have moved into the tower... yet. Tony will eventually revert back to a version of his sassy self. For now though, I’m going to focus on his compassionate side. Also, throughout the story, Tony and Steve will maintain a strong friendship that is entirely platonic, but there will be plenty of hurt/comfort.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Happy dropped them off at the Avenger's Tower, Tony visibly straightened, his eyes glimmering with determination and a hint of fear. Steve studied his rigid posture in confusion. He looked like a war weary veteran preparing to fight yet another losing battle. Once they walked inside, Tony deflated a little and ran a shaky hand over his mouth. After several seconds of heavy silence, he ushered the super soldier into the common room and retreated down a hallway that Steve assumed lead to his bedroom.

 

Steve shuffled his feet awkwardly as he tried to ignore the sound of raised voices drifting into the room. Apparently, he wasn't the only one out of the loop when it came to certain things, and the not knowing had obviously led to a misunderstanding on Pepper's part.

 

According to Pepper's heated monologue, Tony's disheveled look and obvious weight loss was reminiscent of his less than stellar party lifestyle in the 90s. Steve could definitely understand why Pepper suspected Tony of wrongdoing – Tony could lie pretty well, but his eyes always revealed more than the billionaire intended.

 

Steve had only been around Tony a handful of times, but he had caught on quickly to the depth hidden beneath those brilliant eyes. For example, when he was hurt or caught actually caring, Tony brushed the comments off with a smirk followed by a sarcastic comment, but his eyes always told the truth.

 

When he was happy, the golden-brown orbs burned with a certain spark that instantly had you smiling, and when he was sad, his eyes widened and the endearing flame dimmed, spearing your soul with the sharp edge of vulnerability.

 

Sure, Tony quickly schooled his expression a few seconds after he had let his mask slip, but not before the emotion flickered briefly behind his eyes.

 

Steve sighed, sitting down heavily on the recliner adjacent to the television. He didn't want to leave just yet – he had a feeling Tony would need a friend soon if the suitcases littering the hall was any indication.

 

A door slammed shut, muffling Pepper's shouting.

 

It seemed like days ago since Steve's whole perspective of Tony had changed, but only a couple of hours had passed. It's funny how a person's view of someone can shift so drastically in such a short period of time. This morning he had believed Tony was the epitome of the typical rich celebrity – a self-centered know-it-all with misguided intentions to do good by throwing money at everything.

 

But today had shown him how wrong he was.

 

Tony visited those children – interacted with them – not to wheedle the press into printing a positive story about the name behind Stark Industries – but to bring a bit of joy into a sick child's life. And, he had done it so selflessly, while fighting a similar battle of his own. Steve shuddered as he remembered the doctor's chilling words.

 

“ _Tony's immune system has basically turned against him. Instead of protecting the body from infection, it attacks healthy tissue, mistaking them for foreign invaders. So, naturally, the autoimmune disorder can cause damage to the body's organs. Now, the chemotherapy drug (which we give in a pill form) helps control this to an extent. Also, we have recently started him on corticosteroids for the pain and inflammation. As I mentioned before, Tony has a slight case of pericarditis, so we may need to change...”_

 

Steve abruptly shook away the memory, wishing not for the first time that he didn't have complete recall of every bad moment in his life since the serum.

 

His enhanced hearing picked up a resounding slap, and he acted instinctively, leaping over the back of the couch and storming into the room.

 

Steve found himself frozen at the door as he took in the heart-wrenching scene before him. Pepper was staring at her hand dazedly and swaying on her feet. Her legs finally gave out and Tony caught her, wrapping himself around her. She buried her face in his neck as trembles wracked her slight frame. A red mark blossomed across Tony's cheek in the shape of a small, delicate hand.

 

“Tony. God, I'm sorry. I'm just so scared. You won't talk to me. Why won't you just be honest with me? You have obvious needle marks on your arms. What am I supposed to think?”

 

“I understand, Pep. I know you're stressed, and I keep messing up. I should've been upfront with you." Tony paused, inhaling a shaky breath before continuing. “I have Lupus. It's nothing to even worry about, really. I mean, it's been pretty manageable so far. It's just been flaring up lately. I've been taking chemo pills and receiving steroid treatments intravenously to control the symptoms.”

 

Tony paused for another beat, clearing his throat. His eyes tightened around the corners, and Steve immediately recognized the gesture as a tell for Tony being in physical or emotional pain. “It seems the palladium poison may have triggered a chain of events I didn't see coming.”

 

“Palladium poison caused this?” Pepper mumbled against his throat, exhaustion seeping into her voice.

 

“There's no known definite cause, but a severe illness that sort of rattles the immune system can bring it out of dormancy,” the billionaire admitted.

 

“You're an idiot. Why didn't you just tell me?”

 

“Because I'm an idiot, duh.” Pepper huffed in fond exasperation. “And you have so much crap going on with the company. Not to mention, you worry about me enough as it is.”

 

"So, you're not using again?" Pepper asked weakly.

 

"Nope, definitely not on the fun drugs." She glanced up at him, glaring half-heartedly. He smiled, sincerity wiping the humor from his face. "I promise, Pepper. I'm clean. Getting an IV almost every week just leaves a nice little trail behind."

 

“You make it so hard for me to stay mad at you, mi amor.”

 

Tony made eye contact with Steve, his expression slightly pleading as Pepper basically went limp, her body giving in to the sleep it so desperately needed. Steve immediately read the unasked question brewing in the shadowed orbs. He crossed the room with quick, long strides, scooping Pepper up and gently lying her across the bed. Tony wrapped his arms around himself, allowing his composure to crumble.

 

He hung his head and wept silently. Steve knelt in front of him, rubbing one arm along his back while using the other one to pull him into a gentle hug.

 

As he comforted his trembling friend, Steve made a decision. He was going to do everything humanly possible to help this man, beginning with accepting Tony's past invitation to move into the tower.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story, don’t forget to leave kudos! Also, comment and let me know what you think if you have a moment. Thanks!


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